Since we decided late last year to give surrogacy a try, I have been deliberately taking things slowly and being cautious about whom we discuss this with. In particular, I have many lovely friends - some mums and some deliberately childless, whom I know would be so happy for us to know we are starting this journey. But we are not telling them - not just yet. From reading people's blogs I can tell this is a common decision. The sub conscious of the human mind is a challenging and sometimes cruel thing. I dreamt last night we had twins. I dont think I have had these dreams before. It felt so real. I woke up excited and realised "mmmhhh my brain isn't switching off from this." We havent even started yet really. Of course it will be lovely if that dream comes true but at these early stages I wish I could discipline my self conscious. I worked out hard in the gym yesterday - so hard that my hamstrings and quads are hurting today.I know I was busy and tired from yesterday but still the dream factory delivered that dream. I think I am going to just brush those dreams off and say "Well wouldn't that be lovely if it does happen?" As a real optimist with a motto I follow in life being "Create happiness around you", it's really difficult to view this as having a negative result. But at the end of our journey we still could end up in the same place where we started . I do know if we are not successful, a very positive outcome will be that this has brought my sisters, my husband and myself closer together already. No I am not Polly- anna, I dont have rose coloured glasses but I do believe in entering into every undertaking in life with my full commitment and having no regrets. You never stop learning from life and I believe 2011 was such a horrible year that it made us reconsider our priorities and really understand what we felt was important to do and have in our lives. So the "annus horribilis" of 2011 has delivered us to 2012 with renewed hope for the future and a very different path to traverse. Bring it on!