A fabulous fabulous start !

We got the egg donor we wanted yay!!!!!!!! It seems that our 5ft 8 egg donor is ready to start treatment next week so we are so happy about our surrogacy journey getting off to such a great start! Secondly, I got that new job so "bye bye old employer" and a "big  hello and I love you to my new organisation". I will be starting my new job after we return from New Delhi.

My new role and the employer is set in seaside regional location (absolutely beautiful) and is an hour drive  from my home. And these will be easy country kilometres in driving. Not like the dreaded commute into the city that often takes me over 1hour 15 minutes by public transport or if I am lucky on a good day I can drive in 55 minutes (good days are like during school holidays when the roads are less busy).

One of the things I will struggle with at my new employer is feeling a bit dishonest about not telling them anything when in 9months or so time if successful I will be taking off (I will just resign though). However there is nothing to tell them yet. I wont be telling them anything until we know if we have a viable bub (20 weeks or so). Some of you may say well why didnt you just stay at your old employer? It was simply time for me to leave. I needed a new challenge and have needed that for some time. I have leave being paid out by my old employer (long service leave and annual leave) which will aid in the financial sense and being able to care for any babies that do come along. It also gives us some money up our sleeves if we need to give surrogacy multiple attempts.

It's a Brave New World this 2012 and I am loving it!

Tick Tick Tick

Visa's applied for -  tick
Travel vaccinations administered - tick
Accommodation and airport pick up booked (thanks Sucheta!!) - tick
Donors picked (and our preferred 5ft 8 egg donor is looking good) - tick

It's now 3 weeks and 6 days until we fly out to Delhi....hurry up time and tick tick tick!!!!!!

2012 vs 2011

I look back to this time last year and what a difference. In February last year I was sick, angry, scared and recovering from a minor stroke that thank heavens left me no lasting damage. Lifestyle changes including giving up coffee implemented. I returned to my hectic job albeit working part time increasing to 4 days per week. As most of us who have been infertile for a long time can appreciate, my career meant everything to me as I poured my heart and soul into and nurtured my team members and work colleagues alike. The pressure at work began to mount and it soon became obvious that I would need a new work direction. In all of this I saw a report on a local Current Affair Program about SCI and 2 Aussie Dads (Brett and Tony" who brought home 2 sets of twins. I cried as I saw this story. I then got very angry asking myself "why cant this happen for us?" . And from there I have to thank my counsellor who really challenged me and my excuses as to why I couldn't do it. From the "it wont work", "this is not natural to buy a baby this way", to "my health will suffer" and of course "I'm way too old to have a baby". She helped me deal with that and helped me reflect and deal with those emotions so I could dust off the cobwebs and pry open this long closed door of hope for our own family . A big kiss and thankyou to her "K" - you are probably reading this by now anyway!!
And of course I have to thank my hubby. He is so lovely. As a woman who has been infertile since age of 24, I have challenged him many times over the years about whether he will want to run off when he is older to have children because he may feel he was missing something. His answer was always the same. "If you cant have children it means we cant have children". Now his answer is "if there is any chance to have children with you then of course I am up for it". As a man with financial and property qualifications he then soon got about to spreadsheeting and calculating costs for our surrogacy journey. I loved it when he did that . I found it sexy-  how ridiculous is that!! He undertook all the medical testing without a complaint and like me has become emotional already on this ride.
February 2012 now sees me getting fit working out with a personal trainer once a week but being at gym 3- 4 times a week. Both hubby and I are trying to improve our fitness so we can be the best parents should our dreams comes true - hey we will need the energy and I am loving what the gym is doing to tone my body! This month hopefully sees me about to leave my old employer and picking up a new job where I wont be so stressed  (I hope I havent jinxed this but my interview was fantastic last week and they checked both referees on Friday and it sounds like a done deal according to my referees)....and of course most important 2012 sees us jetting off next month to New Delhi to meet Dr Shivani, hopefully our surro mummies and to enjoy the tastes (I love Butter Chicken, Rogan Josh, Lamb Korma), sights, noise and culture of India. I pray to God, Guru Nanak, Mata Hari that our journey will be successful.
2012 WE LOVE YOU !

Lift off!!

After emailing Margarida and Dr Shivani they were happy to receive our paperwork even though the passport hasnt arrived yet. Margarida was obviously toiling late into the night helping me out with finalising our egg donors! Dr Shivani has already sent me some encouraging words for our journey. I am hoping we can firm up our departure date of 20 March as soon as possible. It's really really happening ! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paperwork

Well one  passport has arrived and now just waiting for the other to arrive. I was so excited to read about the arrival of Suzie's and Ben's girls.....after all that waiting it's hard to believe it can come true but it obviously does! I have all of our enrolment paperwork ready to email to Dr Shivani but obviously need hubby's new passport before we can properly enrol. Or do I? Maybe I will email Margarida and/or Meg to see if we can still proceed. I am not eager at all am I??? Sending everyone my best wishes xxx mel

Travel Plans

Well our passports have not arrived as yet so we cannot enrol with SCI or confirm our travel plans to India as yet. It's a pain as we are still hoping to touchdown in India at the end of March or early April. I like to be organised but there is nothing further I can do until the passports are in our hands. We have been thinking of tacking onto our Indian expedition some travel to Dubai or Phuket. Reasons being it will be a long time before overseas travel will be on the schedule if we become parents, so perhaps we should do so now. The other half of my brain says to me"No just go to India and save the money for bubs or for further attempts at surrogacy". Regardless I have to admit that I am failing miserably at having a balanced life with my thoughts fastly being consumed with dreams of becoming a Mum. So I better go to the gym everyday to improve my focus, lose that weight and get myself fit for when I do become a Mum........see there I go again!!!

Premature Tears of Joy

I visited my doctor today for a number of things including his letter which explains the reasons for my infertility all of which is needed for enrollment. My doctor knows that we have been considering surrogacy in India and today I spent more time talking to him about this. He continues to be fascinated and excited for us. My hubby has a different treating GP in another clinic, so when I gave my doc the important stats about hubby's semen analysis he agreed with me that he was a fertile bull for his age. My doctor told me that if hubby continues to produce semen samples like that then dependent on the egg donor etc etc it was highly probable that their would be fertilisation ! Of course he said "nothing is guaranteed" but that we had good odds. I became teary when he said this. OMG what am I going to be like if it really happens?? Buckle up for this rollercoaster! It's always been my favourite ride at theme parks so it is very fitting dont you think?

Brilliant Blogs!

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for blogging their surrogacy experiences (including my followers). I am finding it extremely informative and feel priveleged to read about your journey and the range of feelings and emotions that have/are accompanying you on that path. Whilst I don't think anything can quite prepare you for this rollercoaster ride, reading your blogs is helping me (and hubby) make better informed decisions.Thanks for your words of wisdom, bravery in revealing raw emotions and willingness to share. xxx mel

Dare to Dream?

Since we decided late last year to give surrogacy a try, I have been deliberately taking things slowly and being cautious about whom we discuss this with. In particular, I have many lovely friends - some mums and some deliberately childless, whom I know would be so happy for us to know we are starting this journey. But we are not telling them - not just yet. From reading people's blogs I can tell this is a common decision. The sub conscious of the human mind  is a challenging and sometimes cruel thing. I dreamt last night we had twins. I dont think I have had these dreams before. It felt so real. I woke up excited and realised "mmmhhh my brain isn't switching off from this." We havent even started yet really. Of course it will be lovely if that dream comes true but at these early stages I wish I could discipline my self conscious. I worked out hard in the gym yesterday - so hard that my hamstrings and quads are hurting today.I know I was busy and tired from yesterday but still the dream factory delivered that dream. I think I am going to just brush those dreams off and say "Well wouldn't that be lovely if it does happen?" As a real optimist with a motto I follow in life being "Create happiness around you", it's really difficult to view this as having a negative result. But at the end of our journey we still could end up in the same place where we started . I do know if we are not successful, a very positive outcome will be that this has brought my sisters, my husband and myself closer together already. No I am not Polly- anna, I dont have rose coloured glasses but I do believe in entering into every undertaking in life with my full commitment and having no regrets. You never stop learning from life and I believe 2011 was such a horrible year that it made us reconsider our priorities and really understand what we felt was important to do and have in our lives. So the "annus horribilis" of 2011 has delivered us to 2012 with renewed hope for the future and a very different path to traverse. Bring it on!

And our nominees are......(well the Oscars aren't far away are they?)

My wonderful 2 sisters........life is so amazing! I am the youngest of 5 girls and my middle sister and I never really understood each other as I was growing up. I was jealous of her because she was doing things I wanted to do before I was really old enough . It was hard for her because my 2 oldest sisters were close in age and consequently sort of close in relationship. My other sister is only 18 months older than me so we have always been very close. My sister - let's call her Britt (because she loved Rod Stewart growing up) was really out there by herself. Now some 10 years later I am very close to her. She was marvellous when we went through IVF which saw her donating her eggs. She was incredible when Mum and Dad were ill and then passed on. She has been amazing now and so happy that we are trying this avenue to become parents. Britt has two girls and one is a teenager and the other is now in university. She is telling me that I must save some energy for the terrible teens! My other sister let's call her Anna (as she used to sing like Anna from Abba) is so caring and generous. When my parents needed care she shared that responsibility with me for 6 months (we took it in shifts) Anna has the loveliest nature and my what a parent she would make! Anna has no children either. I think this is through choice and her current situation. Anna has been married same length of time I have been married (coming up to 17 years). Anna married Raghbir and he comes from the Punjab in India. They have been to India several times so that's right they are going to help us where they can and will probably travel with us if/when we are successful with bubs! I am thinking that Anna might really want a baby but feels she is too old to carry it. Maybe our journey and experience will help her. I know how much she has helped me now and over the years. Britt and Anna - I love you so much!

Tests are In - It's all Good!

Hubby got his test reports back today and the crucial semen analysis is a site to behold! We cant believe it  - 270 million for 4.5ml and well above the normal range of 15 million for every 1.5 ml....motility in normal range as well and normal morphology. My hubby is walking around like a proud bull and I doubt I will be able to wipe the smile off his face for ages !

Hurry up passports so we can get moving!! We've waited 20 years to be parents so a few months or a couple of years really doesnt make any difference. Not sure that sounds convincing but I will keep telling that to myself!

Decision made - Advance!

After a horrendous 2011, the end of the year saw hubby and I making serious considerations about moving forward with surrogacy. Events of 2011 saw us reassessing our priorities and when we started to read more about programs of surrogacy in India, we became interested in finding a provider that might be able to help us with parenthood. So far Margarida and Meg from SCI have been unbelievably responsive with my questions and it is so comforting to know that they have been through this journey themselves.  Hubby has finalised all his testing and we are just waiting on some results to come back, our passport applications are in (as our previous ones have expired) so we are hoping we will be enrolling in the next 2-4 weeks. We look forward to choosing our egg donors and we are making plans to travel to New Delhi hopefully for sometime in late March early April to meet the SCI team and obviously to make a little deposit, to kick off what I expect will be a rollercoaster ride of emotion.
One of the biggest questions my husband and I have been challenging ourselves with, are we too old to be first time parents? We are in our mid forties. I havent told many people about this just my doctor and 1 other health professional and my 2 sisters who will be nominees. They all say to me how we will make the best parents and importantly raised how energetic we are. The only thing they said was you need alot of energy when they become teenagers !

I am looking forward to enrolling properly with SCI and reading other people's blogs of their experience towards parenthood. I am hoping 4 attempts will bless us with bubs!

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 I have added a photo of 2 of our fur children frollicking on a beach in Port Stephens...they certainly keep us busy!