Since returning home to Australia from Delhi, we have been anxiously awaiting news on the embryo transfer. Message from Dr Shivani early this morning. "Top quality embryos transferred (yesterday to 2 surrogate mums) and 12 frozen. Updates in the report which will be sent to you from office. Fingers crossed now"
Wooooo hooooooooooo! Given my calculations we will find out if there are pregnancies on 25 April 2012 which just happens to be a public holiday here in Australia. If I had to be at work that day I am not sure I could hide my anxiety and I need to keep this secret from work for the moment. Dr Shivani has calculated that if all goes well these will be christmas babies. Had the best Easter this year so bring on Christmas!
There is still a huge part of me that is trying to protect thyself from disappointment. I cant help it after 20 odd years of the pain that goes along with infertility and trying this avenue and that avenue, it is a natural defence mechanism. I have been keeping records of everywhere we went in India including ticket stubs etc and have been contemplating compiling an album of our journey, so that in years to come if we do have any children they can see how much we wanted them and how it all started. If I do this though and we are not successful, it may break my heart. I hope I am stronger than that, as I feel this is an important historical document to show our future children. We want them to realise just how much we already love them.
I heard the Savage Garden song today "I knew I loved you before I met you" and that is exactly the way I feel about our unborn children. Eeeeeek - how can you go through this without having such a heavy level of emotional investment! My sister tells me this is normal and to go with the flow as the rollercoaster ride this side of any birth will help prepare us for parenthood. My wise lovely sister!